Holy Shit! That's a frickin horse!

Today I had one of the most surreal experiences of my life. My girlfriend lives in a peckerwood, whistlestop, one horse town. Little did I know, I would actually come face to face with the horse! I'm driving home from the middle of nowhere(Jesus H, I really hate that town), and just walking down the middle of the road is this big white horse.

I decided to name him Leonard. Man if I hadn't been in a hurry to get the fuck outta Dodge... The magical times Leonard and I could have had. I would have woven him a little mask, so he wouldn't be recognized and I would have a matching one! We would be known as "El diablo negro y Rocinante". Aw man, and we'd go around solving mysteries! Like who stole the sack of feed from Don Alvarez' barn. And I'd be all like "this looks like a tough one, Leonard". Then he'd whinny at me and I'd go "...I mean, Rocinante (wink wink)". And it would be so kickass cause then we would go through a spiritual journey and afterward Leonard would feed offa the souls of the wicked!

That would be so boss! Yeah, thats right! I said "boss". You know why I can and you can't? Because I have fuckin' Leonard a.k.a. Rocinante a.k.a. Evil Soul Eater on my side. Wait. I don't. I kept driving.


Shit! Shitfuck! Why did I keep on driving?! I could be all super heroey right now! Arrrg! Fuckin' Leonard with the not stppping me so we can fulfill our destiny together!

I didn't mean to blame you, Leonard. Come back to me!! I'm sorry... I... I love you.


I'm hungry. I wish we had a White Castle where I live.

-Sigo siendo rico, sigo siendo suave

Back with a vengance!

So, I linked my friend Diana to my blog and she wouldn't leave me alone about starting it up again.

Why is it that every time I'm in a good mood, it implies murder, theft or alcohol? Shame on you for your false accusations. Shaaaaaaaaame. But it be true. For such a hate filled person like me to be in a good mood. Well it just upsets the cosmic balance. But I can't help it. It's all because of that one song. You know how one song can make you just feel happy? Well that song for me is Metamorfosis, by Café Tacvba (link). Man I listened to it like three times straight on my way to work. I be in a good mood. Nonetheless I'm hanging up on every other customer here. Old habits.

In other news, I'm working with a Dutchman. Hehe. The Dutch are funny. They make singular words plural and plural words singular. Hehe.

Aside from that there isn't much to report. I like calzone. It is tasty. I dislike Gaspacho. Cold tomato soup? C'mon!

I read an online comic strip called Least I could do. You should check that out (link) I share the writers love for Cadbury eggs and Red bull. I'm a heart attack waiting to happen.

Seeing as Im truly not the creative genius I try to portray myself as, hit me up with subject matter. I just might write about what you suggested and give you credit. (or not give you credit. whatever) So drop me a line at bassmatrix@gmail.com with suggestions.

-Sigo siendo rico, sigo siendo suave.

Magic computer machine, why wont you answer me?

Apparently, my conception of computers was mistaken. I thought that all my documents were sent away to another dimension accessed by double clicks of the little arrow that moves when I move the mouse. Once the other dimension is accessed, a little gnome by the name of Jim would get my files for me.

Imagine my consternation when I found that not only is my computer not a portal to another dimension, but there is no Jim! Jim, you shall be avenged! I was recently told by that annoying little bubble in the corner that my hard drive is full. Upon further investigation, I learned that my documents are saved onto this "hard drive", each document being of a certain "size" which takes up "space" in this "hard drive"(ok, no more quotation "marks"[except for those]). And apparently, mine was full.

In other words, I have too much shit. I have decided to purchase a new "hard drive"(last one, I promise). I'm going to open my computer to install it. Lord help us all.


Jim, don't head towards the "light". (I don't even really know what those are for=( )

-Sigo siendo rico, sigo siendo suave.

Fun with kite flying or Cock Blox-R-Us

Yesterday I was all set for what is commonly referred to as "Afternoon Delight". After a morning of annoyance at having to change my discs and obviously my brake pads as well, I was on my way to my girlfriend's house for lunch and sex, two of my favorite activities. Upon my arrival I was met with sad news. While I did get the lunch part on, there would be no having of the sex. At least not immediately. We first had to head to the local travel agency for a last minute change to her upcoming family trip to Disneyworld. Cool. I can hold off on the sex for a while...

An hour and a half later I'm still no closer to the having of the sex. Her sister calls requesting her (my girlfriends) nephews Nintendo DS. Why my girlfriend wont just get her own nintendo DS is beyond me. She isn't getting mine, that's for sure. So once we leave the travel agency, we go meet up with her sister te get the kid his Nintendo DS. The having of the sex is now 2:15 hours overdue. My girl's sister now wants to find kites and go kite-flying with her kids and my girlfriend and I. While I have no problem with spending time with her family, this does not sit well with Diego(and why can't I name my junk Diego?).

So another hour is spent kite shopping. And not just any kites. These must be Gayla kites. As if the kite gods smile upon a particular brand over another.

Alas, Gayla kites are nowhere to be found and everyone heads to their respective homes. Now my girlfriends mother will be home any minute so I pretty much kiss the having of the sex goodbye. But wait! She sees my distress and what is this I see on the horizon? A beautiful blowjob. I find it curious that what was once my main goal at the end of a date is now my consolation prize in relationship land. Not that Im not grateful... Oh, well.

I would like to make it known that this was the high point of my day.

Two minutes after I zip up, her sister arrives unannounced... "WILL SHE EVER JUST STAY HOME?!?!" Apparently Diego is still quite opinionated.

Her sister purchased Kites for everyone and thus part two of this catharsis begins.

Not much to say about the kite flying part except that theres no way to fly a kite and NOT look like and idiot. I mean, when youre doing it right, with plenty of wind, you're still just standing there, holding a string. Granted, kite flying is a pretty day to day thing, so most people dont see this as stupid. Now when it goes wrong, it goes so very wrong.

It would seem like I make an active attempt to fuck things up. But its truly a very effortless action. I'm just a natural screwup. So in less than a minute I had a knot the size of a basketball in my line and a 6 year old kid that no one knew giving me kite flying tips.

Ten feet tall, I was feeling.

On the plus side, my girlfriend had to chase after her kite, which flew away from her. So we're two idiots now. This, the blowjob and her sister's camel-toe made the afternoon almost worthwhile.

Almost.

-Sigo siendo rico, sigo siendo suave.